Oops

So, I accidentally forgot to blog for nearly a year. In fact, my blog has been null and void for longer than it was active. I started with such good intentions, hopes of posting out miraculous messages to the blogosphere. Instead, I fizzled and died when I realised I didn’t have anything much left to say. Hopefully, over the year, I have collected some information worth sharing. I think the main problem with my blog was its lack of focus. The blog of a struggling author seems overdone. I need more of a slant. As I am unsure what ┬áthat slant could be, I’m just going to write and hope that the slant appears. These things often do.

Not a lot has happened in the past year. In fact, 2012 was a pretty negative year, mainly because it was so bland. Nothing changed. A year without change is the most depressing type of year. Change, after all, allows us to see that we are progressing. That said, I consider 2012 the year I became serious about my writing, which is a pretty big achievement truth be told.

I am still unpublished and depressed about it. My writing for 2013 seems very different from my writing for 2012 though and I don’t feel so focused on publication. This development is largely a result of Anne Lamott’s wise words in ‘Bird by Bird’. I think she’s right when she says that publication is, if anything, a disappointment. I suppose it’s another one of those things that we are convinced will make us happy, but once we have it, we realise that it doesn’t change a thing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still my ultimate hope but I don’t want to compromise my writing for that goal anymore. I realised that the stories I wrote last year were well and truly appealable to mass market but I wasn’t proud of them. They certainly weren’t the stories I would want to read, or that I would want my friends to read. SO, with Anne Lamott’s advice in mind, I am writing what I would want to read and not giving a damn whether it’s publishable or not. I was also touched by her point that everything she had ever written was a letter to somebody she loved. I have tried doing the same and it is amazing how much more alive the writing becomes when it’s written for someone you love, rather than just for an unknown audience.

The only other thing of consequence that’s been happening in my life is the end of my reclusive phase. Well, I say the end. It hasn’t ended yet, but I intend for it to. Small steps, like logging into Facebook chat, have resulted in a good few conversation and in one case, being reunited with somebody whom I once loved a great deal and am coming to love again. My year of reclusivity was a glorious relief, and was definitely necessary for getting my head and my life in order. This said, now that I am re-emerging myself into the world of socialisation, I can see that people are necessary. There is nothing better than talking to somebody who has something amazing to say. People can teach you things you would never have known alone. Even so, it’s pretty tough to get people to talk to you when you’ve spent the last year in your own mind. This I understand, why should they bother when I haven’t? I suppose I have a long way to go in getting people to care about me again. I suppose I deserve that. I just hope that one day, they will understand why I needed to be alone for a while.

So that’s about it. Told you there hadn’t been much going on. Even so, it’s been nice to breathe some life back into this thing. I only hope I can keep the flow going.

Olivia x